It's a Fort Knox life for me...

Well, at least it is for the next 70 some odd days. And, the funny thing is, it feels very different this time. The last time I was here I had a good time, but there were a lot of stressful and emmotional things that were holding me back from really taking advantage of the opportunity. And, I am so thankful and blessed to have had the previous experience, so that I knew what not to do while I was here this summer.

1. Do not stress about what is going on at home, because you have no control over it.
2. Absence makes the heart grow fonder!
3. Stay focused on my goals. (this one is a biggie)

And, this year I have a very special sidekick. My friend Sylvia will be here with me the entire summer to help me motivate, and walk the "path of righteousness", so to speak. She will remind me to behave like a Christian, and to always remember my worth. I hope to do the same for her. Along with that, we are weight-loss buddies. She had a great idea for the summer to begin a Biggest Loser challenge. So far, we have about five people who joined, and our first weigh-in was today. I wasn't surprised at my weight, because for the last month or so, I've just been doing whatever, and eating whatever, and I was definately feeling the squeeze in my jeans.

We have been going to the gym, and eating healthy. And, I am so thankful that she is here with me. God is so good to us both. And, I appreciate all the little things that she does for and with me...

WOOHOOAH!!!!

Pretty in Pink

We did it again, second year in a row!! Our team this year, the "Get it Girl's" braved the chill and misting rain to walk (run when we could) the 5K (3.1 miles) Susan G. Komen 2011 "Race for the Cure" at Greenhill Park in Salem.

When we first got there, we mingled around all the free gift tables, and even got a mini Starbucks coffee and whipped chocolate Yoplait yogurt. Kroger gave us free pink glittery lip gloss, and a black headband. Ford Motor Co. was giving out free Women Warrior scarves, which Sylvia decided to wear like an ascot to keep her neck warm. WDBJ 7 gave us free pink rubbery bracelets, and provided some "warm-up" jams to keep us moving until the race began.

I wasn't as in shape this year as last year, but I still ran when I could. More than anything, I was just happy to be a part of the cause of raising money for breast cancer awareness.

Besides, there's always next year!!

Sowing the seed of Love

I'm sure you have heard the expression that you "reap what you sow." Well this has become even more evident to me in the last couple of weeks. Now that I am unofficially "single" if you will, things have been pretty calm. Like I said before, I spend most of my time with my ever-growing extended "tamly" (Phillip's word for Family...too cute right?) I have been pretty focused on work, since I will be leaving again this summer, headed back to Ft. Knox. And, at home, when I am there for more than ten minutes, I am cleaning or loving on my Dini-dog!

I was just talking to Jen last night about how since March I have been going like a crazy super-woman, and pretty much have some event every weekend from now until I leave. And, I am really feeling blessed, although most times rushed, by my new busy life.

But, last weekend I had a melt-down. I knew it was coming, I had felt it for weeks. Not sure if it was because I was tired from all the running around, or just emotions that I thought I had overcome, but I couldn't hold back anymore. I cried like a baby. Total, sniffling, snotting, all the weight of the world on my shoulders tears. Luckily, my buddy Sylvia called and talked it out with me for almost an hour. I have always been able to count on people to listen when I need it.

And, then it occurred to me that I didn't have to feel responsible for anything or anyone but myself. And, if you know me, that is so not how I roll. I'm usually just piled up by doing and giving and loving until I am out of breath. But, I remembered that all God wants me to do is sow the seed of love, and set back and watch it grow.

Danny has been going through some rough times this last month, and my first reaction was to jump up and fix it all. I know it's not my place anymore, so all I can do is just pray, ask others to pray, and let God work. I have given him a lot of seeds, and even if he doesn't know it, all he needs is God's help to water them and watch his life blossom as mine has.

Love is such a tricky game sometimes, and I am just so thankful that God's love is unconditional and always forgiving. Last Sunday in church in Knoxville, TN the lesson was that we should look with our hearts and not our eyes in order to be more like God. My heart has been heavy for quite a while, and I am ready to let go of it all.

Until next time, may all the seeds that you planted grow lovely and strong. Even if you are not there to see them in full bloom, God will be there to make sure they continue to blossom.

Following the Plan...

Why do I wait so long to blog?? I guess it's because I have been busy following HIS plan...

The last time I wrote, it was before Danny had moved out, and I was really frustrated with my life. The weather was cold, and so was my heart. I had decided I wanted to end it and I wanted his stuff gone too!

But, then something happened. God told me to just relax and come up with plan B. So, the day after Valentine's Day (how appropriate right??) I took the day off from work, rented a U-Haul, and helped him move all his stuff out. We had a good day, laughing, and talking, and were both very exhausted at the end of the day. I know it was my money, and my time, but it was worth it to have MY HOUSE back and regain MY strength and inner-peace.

For the last month and a half, I have been redecorating the house, and spending time with other important people in my life. And, it feels good to just live my own life, and come and go when I please. And, I don't live in fear anymore. I am still trying to teach my heart not to be in love with him. But for now, I'm happy with where we are.

I have been going to a new church for the last three weeks, and I have been trying to stay focused on my weight loss. I am enjoying my Zumba class, and shopping trips with my "sista Jen". I love spending time with her kiddos, and I truly feel happy in my life for the first time in a long time.

Life still throws it's surprises in my face, but I just try to talk myself down and say, "God has got me, as long as I follow his plan!!"

www.mylife.com

Last night I was looking on my phone at this app I have called "Love Quotes." I do this from time to time, if I cannot sleep, or if I am bored at night and looking through my phone passes the time. But last night I couldn't get this one quote out of my head. "Love is hard work, and sometimes work hurts."

I pondered it for a while, and remembered instances where love has been like work, tedious and sometimes mundane. And, I remembered all the times I cried and cursed the word love, proclaiming that it sucks and it hurts when it doesn't work out like you had planned.

But, now this morning I am looking at this quote in a whole new way...

For the past three weeks work has been somewhat hectic, and I have also been dealing with a lot of personal life changes. It seems that one day I know exactly what I want to do with my future, and another day I am questioning my decisions. I try to pray about what the right choices are, and imagine my future in a positive, bright way. And, although I am moving forward by huge leaps and bounds of progress, like work, my life sometimes feels stuck in a way.

I have these three websites at work that I use every day to complete my job. One has been down going on a month, the other started giving me trouble this week, and the other I haven't been able to open all semester. And, I think, Lord, how am I supposed to accomplish my tasks at work without the proper tools??!!??

In my life, I question this very same thing. Like these websites that sit and are constantly loading, I too have been "loading" for quite some time. I have lived "alone" for the past three weeks, his stuff in boxes all throughout the house, watching his 52" flat screen t.v. after a long day at work, using silverware that's no longer in a drawer, but on top of the microwave just waiting to be loaded in the U-Haul...

I am constantly redecorating in my head, and going to stores pricing new items for my kitchen that say just Michelle, not Michelle &...

Lord, please...let these websites and my life finally speed up so I can get both of these very important "jobs" done!!

A Relationship Mechanic

For those of you that know me and my current situation, I need not elaborate. Let's just say that a change has finally come, and I am letting go of someone and something I have been holding tight for over 3 years. And, just like my weight loss efforts, this isn't the first time I have attempted this endeavor. In my last relationship, I learned a very valuable life lesson about what damages can be caused when you constantly put someone else's needs before your own.

As children of God, we are supposed to be genuine in our desires to help others. But, just like food, there is a limit to what we can digest in our daily lives. When I met Danny, I was really proud to say that I had been single and working on myself for about 6 months. I had begun my weight loss journey, began cleaning up my "Darryl debt", and was positive that I would never fall into another unhealthy relationship.

But, what is the true definition of a good or bad relationship? I guess everyone's level of tolerance is different. I am a giver. I'm not ashamed to admit it. In every situation I see that change that can occur, and work diligently to help make those hopes of change become a reality. And, it doesn't seem to matter how many times I hear the words, "you can't change people Michelle, unless they are willing to change themselves." Still, I continue to push for these impossible changes in people with the same results.

And, this is where I end up. Exhausted, and looking back saying, "how in the world did I let myself get into this situation?" And, the only answer is I have myself to blame for setting such high expectations of people who never had my best interest at heart. Life is not a fairy tale by any means, but through my process and pain, I have still lived and experienced wonderful memories I want to keep. And, for each relationship and each valuable lessons, I am eternally grateful.

Humans fear change, and I am no different. I have made a decision this time that is going to impact my life in a huge way. And, honestly, I'm not really sure how I feel about it all. Kind of numb right now...

I have been meaning to do this...I promise!

Really? I haven't blogged since October?? Really??

Well, where do I begin? Perhaps I should start by saying that A LOT has happened in my life in these last few months, although by looking at my blog, you would never know it.

First and foremost, I had prayed for a long time for my brother's happiness. He has gone through a lot in the last few years, and for the first time in a long time, I am a witness to his TRUE happiness. Jen has been a blessing to our family, and has enriched us in so many ways that she probably doesn't even know or understand. And, the funny thing is she has been in our lives for a long time. She is the sister of his best friend, and she has always had a crush on him it seems, but finally God allowed it all to take place at the right time. She has two beautiful, precious, and loving children which I immediately fell in love with over Thanksgiving. Since then, Phillip and Annaliese have become my "kiddos", and I cherish any chance to spend time with them. She is my work-out buddy (yay for Planet Fitness!!), and has introduced me to Zumba dance class, which I am pretty good at...just in case you didn't know! :-) We have become close in a really short period of time, and I love how similar we are with fashion, favorite movies, and both our hearts are full of plenty of love to give to others!! (And, Sylvia, it looks like we have another pretty lady to add to our KVZ club!!)

Second, I have been trying to remain focused on my weight loss. It continues to remain a hard journey. But, I have not and shall not give up on myself!!

Third, I have been dealing with a push on my heart from God to let go of a lot of things in my life. Things I have held onto hoping that things would change and finally work out the way "I" had planned them. But, I have realized that I cannot change things that I have no control over. I can only listen to "HIM", even when it is extremely difficult decisions. I am still a work in progress, but I made a vow to myself that this is my year, and I will not allow anyone to hurt me or hold me back from what it is that I am meant to achieve through his loving grace.

And, lastly, I just want to give a shout out to my job! Although at times I do in fact complain about my job, I am very blessed to have it. The drive does get old sometimes, but at least I have a good car that gets me back and forth to work. And another shout out to Yokohama tires for allowing my brother to get me 4 news tires at a great price!! The people I work with are constantly changing, but that is part of my job that will never change. I work for the United States Army, and that is part of how they operate. We remain constant, and have to teach the "green suiters" how we have been operating for years. The same thing goes for the Cadets. Each year we get a new batch of freshman in here that have no idea how this program works, and how much paperwork is involved for just one Cadet, much less a program that between VT and RU, has approximately 400. But, each year, going on 6 years now, I wake up, put on my Ms. McCormick outfit, and keep pushing. I know how good I am at my job, and how many lives I have helped shape and change with my organizational skills and my elephant memory! For this, I am truly grateful for each experience, good and bad, I have had with this job.

And, okay, really lastly, I have to say how thankful I am to have such wonderful people in my life, some of whom have been there for over a decade! My girl Sylvia, what can I say that we haven't already said, done, or taken a picture of and posted in on facebook?!? I love you in such a sisterly way, and you are very important to me. I care about your life, and I want you to be happy in all aspects. Thank you for your continued love and support of me and my crazy life! To my girls who live far away: Crystal B (aka BBB=Big Booty Barrett) and your beautiful daughter Jaidyn and crazy husband Alvin; Blair (aka pickles) keeping it real in GA!!; Beth (my Maurice's co-hort) trying to better her life in Texas grad school; Ashley (aka Ashlaaayyy!!) working hard at the nursing thing!; Jeanie (aka Hootie!) for always cutting my hair like a rock-star and providing me such a wonderful place to lay my head at night!; all my old Lewis-Gale buddies Jane and Dee; Christine (aka Daryl's almost wife) for finally making my red-headed buddy so happy; LaShaun (aka Sean John) for making work so much fun and always lending a listening ear; and lastly my Mom (aka Jeebs & Mama D!) for being my #1 fan and always handling all my crisis's with such ease and grace. A part of you will live on in me for many years to come. You are my best friend!!

And, now that I am almost crying (and you should be too), I am going to get back to work. I wish everyone the realization of their beauty and potential this year!!

More to come sooner than later, I promise...