Steak for Breakfast

Good Morning all my protein lovers!! Okay, so really how many of you are out there?? Probably not too many. But, it's the key to jump-starting your metabolism. After my last weigh-in, I ate up all the fruit and veggies that I had already prepared (didn't want to waste food, it's too expensive!!), and today begins the dreaded APP...All Protein Phase!

So, it's really not that bad or dreaded, because on this program, it only lasts for two days. And, we can do anything for one day, and then another day after that day...

I woke up kind of drained this morning. I had a really long stressful last week, the weekend wasn't much better, and this week has proven to be a bear so far as well. But, if anything can make me feel better, it's lean protein!! On Saturday, despite the heat, my mom grilled out steaks. She sent me home with a pretty big piece, and after it sat in the fridge uneaten until today, I thought, I better take this to lunch so I don't waste it. Then, as I was almost at work, realizing that I hadn't packed any breakfast, I decided instead of stopping somewhere unhealthy, I would eat half my steak for breakfast, and the other half at lunch! I toyed with the idea of starting my protein phase today, since the July 4th holiday is coming up this weekend and I know we will be doing some kind of family cook-out. But, I gave myself no more room for excuses or reasons to wait any longer.

Yesterday, I went dress shopping for an upcoming wedding, and I found a great dress in a size 14. I put it on, and it didn't zip. I wasn't surprised, because right now a 16 would probably fit much better. But the wedding is a little over a month away, and I wanted to motivate myself even more for that success!

Ideally on this plan, in a month, I could lose anywhere from 10-20 lbs. if I follow it to a tee! So, I may need to go back and get a size 12. But, I didn't want to set my goal too high and not be able to achieve it. And, that hits the nail on the head right there. You have to set small goals in your life, and they have to be attainable. My goal can't be just to lose weight, although that is the blanket goal. But, the specific, measurable goal is I want to lose 10 lbs. before that wedding. I want to fit in my dress, and it be a little loose, not snug at all. I want to be comfortable in it, and I want to feel that accomplishment.

The countdown is on...T-38 days!!

"21 times"

This morning when I was driving to work, I debated on whether or not I was going to reschedule my weigh-in appointment for the third time in a month. I left the house in plenty of time to either call and reschedule, or to show up right at 8:45. I knew what the right decision was, but I weighed the pro's and con's anyway. I was scared to step on that scale. In the past month, I continued the 90/10 that I wrote about in the last blog (which I said I wasn't going to do). I had been on vacation with the family and eaten blueberry pancakes, and cookies, and all the bread I wanted. Of course, I was on vacation, but still I could have made better choices. The point is, I didn't. And, I hadn't been for a while.

There are so many excuses and reasons why I could put on here as to why I have been doing this. Stress, family get-to-gathers, summer time foods...the list could go on. But, the truth is, I have gotten out of my habit. I have resorted back to old habits. It's really easy to do. We are creatures of habit, and the hardest one's to break are the one's you have been doing the longest. Don't get it twisted, losing weight takes work!!!! And, the only work I have been doing has been with my mouth, not my willpower.

As I was finishing up some credit counseling this morning, I heard the lady say psychologist B.F. Skinner confirmed "it only takes 21 times to make something a habit", and that really made me think. Of course, she was referring to writing down what you spend each day for a month to determine where to find money leaks. But, really, this can be applied to anything. When I first started this program, I went 39 days without cheating!! Well over that 21 days, and I know I am capable of doing it again.

As I was sitting in the waiting room to be called back for my weigh-in, I saw Dr. Shaffer. Now, if you remember him from my last blog post, when I had come in and gained those 3 lbs., he was the one that took my weight. I prayed that he wasn't the one taking my weight today, so I could make some excuses with a nurse, and she wouldn't fuss at me too much. But, wouldn't you know it, "Michelle, come on back" came out of his mouth.

Walking down the hall, he said, "How you been doing pretty lady?" I said, well worse now because I got you again. We both laughed. He said, "The Holy Ghost always knows, doesn't he?" We talked about how to push myself beyond this STUCK point, and how not to give up, and how every morning when I wake up, I have to say YOU CAN DO IT!!

I told him the truth, and I got on that scale....205.4. I had stayed the same!!!! How this was possible, I do not know. I guess the Holy Ghost was looking out for me today. I still had only gained the 3 lbs. from before. And, if I really push myself this week, eating my protein, I KNOW I CAN LOSE THAT STUBBORN 5 LBS. AND PUSH MYSELF UNDER 200!!!

On a side note, I did have one positive motivator while I was on vacation. I wore a bathing suit (a real one, not shorts or a skirt...a real one piece) for the first time since 6th grade, and I looked darn good in it!!!

Life is still good, and I am still proud of my accomplishments to this point. So, tomorrow when I wake up, I am going to begin day 1 of 21 and go from there. One day at a time, forming a new habit of working towards my final goal. Dr. Shaffer told me once I reached my lean body mass he would take me out for blueberry pancakes! His last words as I was checking out was, "God bless little lady", and he truly meant it.

One toe dragging...

I have to admit it, to whoever is reading this, that for these past 3 1/2 weeks, I have been doing what I like to call the 90/10. This means, that 90% of the time I am eating right, exercising every day, drinking water, and feeling great. The other 10%, I have allowed ice cream, cookies, and bread to come back in small increments. Why, you ask? Well, I have a couple theories...

My last weigh-in I was only 2 lbs. away from being under 200 again. There are only two other times that I have been this weight. Once, I was about 12, running track on the JV team, and weighing in at about 160-170. I thought I was a whale then, but of course when all you have is a bunch of barbies and "rah-rahs!" to compare yourself too, the proportions were highly skewed. The second time, was the last time I lost a significant amount of weight about two years ago.

I think in some weird way, which I talked to my Dr. about this today when I weighed in, I was allowing myself to believe that I would never be able to maintain being under 200 again, and I sabataged myself into thinking that I didn't deserve anything other than what I had achieved. But, I have to finally get over that mindset...somehow, or else I will continue to be proud of my successes, but never push myself to the finish line. And, I want to cross that line more than I have wanted a lot of things in my life!!!

So, I put on my pink shorts (the one's I always weigh in), and got up on that scale. I had gained 3 lbs. I wasn't happy, but I was relieved that it was an amount that I was capable of taking back off in a short amount of time. I told myself that I was going to hit it 100% this week, for seven days...no cheats...and watch myself smile as that scale tips under 200 next week!! I know I can do it, and I know that I can go beyond that.

I pray each day for the strength to handle what life throws at me, and I talk to God all day long. I knew what I was doing wasn't right, but I did it anyways, and I now have to buckle down, and get back on that wagon.

My mom has maintained her 60 + lb. weight loss for over 2 years now, and even she struggles daily. Her and I had a conversation the other day about how for about a month she started to eat "treats" at night that weren't the best choices, and how in a months time, she had gained 7 lbs. We talked about how when she finally had the courage to step on that scale, and face what she had done, she was relieved that it wasn't more weight, and also that she was able to take hold of it, realized that she had changed from that old Dianne, and get back on track!

We talked this morning after my weigh-in, and she said, "Michelle, we haven't completely fallen off the wagon. The wagon has just tipped a little bit, and we have one leg on it, and one toe dragging the ground. And, I totally understood what she meant. There will be plenty of time to give myself permission to do 90/10, just not while I am trying to lose this weight. And, for it to become my biggest success to date, I have to be diligent and give it 100% like I did in the beginning.

In life, we have ups and downs, and we have struggles, but we have to just get back up, and put our noses to the grind. We have to make a commitment to ourselves that we are worth the long-term investments, and that the hard work will pay off in the end. It sounds so easy, but sometimes, we have to slip in order to know where we stand.

And, I know exactly what I have to do from here, and that is a good feeling.