One toe dragging...

I have to admit it, to whoever is reading this, that for these past 3 1/2 weeks, I have been doing what I like to call the 90/10. This means, that 90% of the time I am eating right, exercising every day, drinking water, and feeling great. The other 10%, I have allowed ice cream, cookies, and bread to come back in small increments. Why, you ask? Well, I have a couple theories...

My last weigh-in I was only 2 lbs. away from being under 200 again. There are only two other times that I have been this weight. Once, I was about 12, running track on the JV team, and weighing in at about 160-170. I thought I was a whale then, but of course when all you have is a bunch of barbies and "rah-rahs!" to compare yourself too, the proportions were highly skewed. The second time, was the last time I lost a significant amount of weight about two years ago.

I think in some weird way, which I talked to my Dr. about this today when I weighed in, I was allowing myself to believe that I would never be able to maintain being under 200 again, and I sabataged myself into thinking that I didn't deserve anything other than what I had achieved. But, I have to finally get over that mindset...somehow, or else I will continue to be proud of my successes, but never push myself to the finish line. And, I want to cross that line more than I have wanted a lot of things in my life!!!

So, I put on my pink shorts (the one's I always weigh in), and got up on that scale. I had gained 3 lbs. I wasn't happy, but I was relieved that it was an amount that I was capable of taking back off in a short amount of time. I told myself that I was going to hit it 100% this week, for seven days...no cheats...and watch myself smile as that scale tips under 200 next week!! I know I can do it, and I know that I can go beyond that.

I pray each day for the strength to handle what life throws at me, and I talk to God all day long. I knew what I was doing wasn't right, but I did it anyways, and I now have to buckle down, and get back on that wagon.

My mom has maintained her 60 + lb. weight loss for over 2 years now, and even she struggles daily. Her and I had a conversation the other day about how for about a month she started to eat "treats" at night that weren't the best choices, and how in a months time, she had gained 7 lbs. We talked about how when she finally had the courage to step on that scale, and face what she had done, she was relieved that it wasn't more weight, and also that she was able to take hold of it, realized that she had changed from that old Dianne, and get back on track!

We talked this morning after my weigh-in, and she said, "Michelle, we haven't completely fallen off the wagon. The wagon has just tipped a little bit, and we have one leg on it, and one toe dragging the ground. And, I totally understood what she meant. There will be plenty of time to give myself permission to do 90/10, just not while I am trying to lose this weight. And, for it to become my biggest success to date, I have to be diligent and give it 100% like I did in the beginning.

In life, we have ups and downs, and we have struggles, but we have to just get back up, and put our noses to the grind. We have to make a commitment to ourselves that we are worth the long-term investments, and that the hard work will pay off in the end. It sounds so easy, but sometimes, we have to slip in order to know where we stand.

And, I know exactly what I have to do from here, and that is a good feeling.