Grape flavored ice cream

Today is day 39 of this program, and I have not cheated once!!

But, the longer I am on this plan, the more I think about the things that I am used to eating when the weather is warm, you know, like ICE CREAM!!!

Last night the ice cream craving was super serious. I couldn't get it out of my head. But, I got busy doing stuff around the house, and decided that it was too late to go out for some. Instead, I settled on grapes.

Each grape I popped in my mouth tasted really sweet. They were crunchy, and they actually hit the spot. And, the best part, no guilt!

When I woke up this morning, I decided that I wanted to feel springy today. I picked a shirt in my closet that I bought last Fall to wear this Spring, but the last time I tried it on, I could only button the top button and leave the rest open. But, this morning, I made it to the 4th out of 5th button, and was like, "I am so glad I didn't eat that ice cream!"

I have gotten so many compliments today, even from the lieutenant when I walked into work today. "You look really nice by the way." I was like, how sweet. And, I am realizing that when the cravings hit, I just have to distract myself and remember moments like these that mean so much more than ice cream!

My Dream last night...

So I know I already posted something today, but I forgot all about this dream until just now. Last night, I dreamed that I was shot. I was at my granny's house, and there were these two guys who came up to me outside with guns, and said they needed a place to hide. They were fugitives. And, in my dream, I remembered that they had announced there were fugitives on the run on TV earlier that day. So, I let them in. (They had guns, what was I supposed to do?)

I introduced them to my family as if they were my friends, and went to talk to my mom who was upstairs getting dressed. When I went up there, I told her to call the police, and came back downstairs. Danny was in the kitchen, with another gun in his pocket, but he never came to my rescue. Actually, I remember holding him like a child, and telling him that everything was going to be okay.

Next thing I knew, we were in the living room, and my step-dad pulled out a gun and pointed it towards my direction. I realized that he wasn't pointing the gun at me, but at the fugitive sitting right beside me. I began to cry and asked, "what is going on around here?"

The guy beside me immediately drew his gun, put it to my neck, told me that he had to stop my emotions, and pulled the trigger. I remember hearing a pop. I remember grabbing my neck, and falling to the ground asking my mom to "call somebody to help me!"

Then, I woke up. It was 3 a.m. I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, and didn't know what to think of this crazy dream! I remembered it so vividly when I woke up today, but got busy with all my stuff at work. Then, I was telling a friend about it, and she suggested we Google it to see what it means.

Here's what Google says, "To dream that your neck is injured, indicates a separation between your heart and mind. To dream you are shot, represents a form of self-punishment that you may be unconsciously imposing on yourself. You may have done something that you are ashamed of or are not proud of. You want to wipe the past away and literally become a new person."

WOW is really all I have to say about that. I am truly speechless! Thank you Google for reminding me that I have made the right decisions for myself these past few weeks!

What do you think?

Nothing to report

Okay, so I am not totally being honest with the title of this post, but there is no official weight loss to report this week. I really wanted to weigh in this week, but as you know this program isn't cheap, and I had some other bills come up I had to take care of first.

But, I promise that next week I will have some numbers to report! I have done really well this week, and weekend considering what I am dealing with, and haven't had anymore pizza dreams!

Last night, I will admit it, when I was leaving the tanning bed, I thought about going to Coldstone and getting some comfort ice cream. But, decided to just get in the car and drive home and eat my strawberries instead!

And, when I woke up this morning, I put on jeans that I put in the dryer (huge accomplishment), and a sweater that used to be pretty tight in the arms and stomach. I looked at myself in the mirror, and was proud. I made my piece with not weighing in, and I'm gonna keep it moving towards next Tuesday with the same force as I had this week!

A different kind of loss...

This weekend I had an epiphany. And, it had a lot to do with my current relationship, and how I related that to my relationship with food. I think when you are losing weight, you need a support system. Whether it's your family who believes in you no matter how many programs you have tried and failed. Or, whether it's your partner who loves you and only wants whatever makes you happy. But, what happens if that person doesn't really want you to lose weight, because they are afraid you will gain too much self confidence and realize that you don't need that person to make you feel beautiful?

And, that is what I have been struggling with for some time now, and until this weekend, I wasn't really sure what to do about it. Don't get me wrong, this is not the only thing that bothered me in our relationship, but control has always been an issue for us. It's like when I am heavy, he had a certain way to make me feel good about myself, even if I wasn't feeling that way. And, since I am taking control of my weight, the scales are starting to shift.

For the first time in a long time, I am able to say, I feel good about myself, no matter what other people say or feel. It is always nice to get compliments, and encouragement from my support group. But, no matter what, I am doing this for me, and nobody else. I have started to see the cracks in our relationship for what they are, and am no longer blinded by fat.

So, after a few weeks of deep thought, I decided that I just need to take a break from him. I love him very much, and miss him already. But, I know that when I set my mind to anything, I give it 100%. And, that's all I have ever asked for in return. I figured that the only way to truly stay focused and give 100% to this diet, was to eliminate any shred of negative influence.

I hope that I made the right decision, and only time will tell. But, for right now, just as I am sticking to protein and veggies, I am going to stick to this decision. I have started to see a change in myself that I really like. And, I can't afford to let anything, not even my 3 year love/hate relationship, get in the way of my success.

This decision was really hard, but I feel empowered to take control over my life. I feel strong. I am not scared to be alone. In fact, it has been six years (combined total of my two past relationships) since I have been single.

Maybe it's time to find out just who Michelle is. Not Michelle and Darryl. Not Michelle and Danny. Just Michelle.

Sometimes you feel like a nut...

And, no I'm not talking about Almond Joy and Mounds here...

I just mean that sometimes in life you just have to let go and have a good time. And, I have found that the longer I am on this diet, the more able I am to go out and have a good time, and still eat healthy. I just try not to put myself around situations that involve pasta and pizza, b/c that is my weakness. (Dream count about pizza=3)

But, today I ate lunch with an old friend and got a chef salad, minus the tomatoes and croutons, and it was great. I got rasberry vinagrette dressing, and it was pretty tasty. My other weakness is ranch dressing, but so far, I've stuck to the italian's and vinagrette's, and they aren't really all that bad. I do sometimes miss my ranch, but I know that one day ranch and I will meet back up again for a moderate pouring! :-)

I was talking to another friend last night who said that she didn't want to let this consume her life, and be the only thing she focused on. And, I understand that point to some degree. But, you have to make a choice to be conscious of what you eat or it won't work. So in a way, it's like a research project that you have to stay focused on in order to get an A.

Just remember, that you are your own person, and you have to earn that A on your own terms. We are each different, but we are all striving towards that same goal to live a happy, and healthy life!

I gotta NEW Attitude!!

If you thought I was sassy before this, you haven't seen anything yet! I am feeling so great, so alive and healthy, so beautiful, and 100% more confident! All it takes is some willpower, and the results will come. You can do it!!

A New Reflection

In response to my friend Sylvia's blog...

Okay, so I love this post for many reasons. First, because when I read it, I immediately thought of the phone call I got last night while I was out eating with my parents.

S: "Hey, just wanted to tell you this really quick. I think I need to buys some new panties!"
M: "Why, did you have an accident?"
S: "No! I just keep having to pull them up when I exercise!!"

I got off the phone and told my parents, "That was Sylvia, she just called to let me know she ran on the treadmill today." What else was I supposed to say?? :-)

Now, on to the pride, the shrinking, and that hair-do hero stuff! I totally agree with what you said about looking in the mirror and being able to smile again. I think we both know what that feels like, and being complimented by others at work, or wherever, is even better. But, mostly it's about how we feel on the inside that counts. And, that is really hard to feel good when you don't feel like you look good on the outside.

And for that feeling great part, we have the best hairdresser in the world to thank (Shout out to Onyx Hair Studio) for always knowing exactly how to make us feel better in our own skin...or hair! There isn't a day that goes by that I am not thankful for having this amazing woman in my life. Not only is she a great friend of the family, but she is a caring person who takes the time to make you feel special. I am so glad I could bring her into your life, so you could feel those wonderful hair blessings too!!

Sometimes when you are feeling down, all you need is a little positive feedback (to keep you from complaining too much), time with your friends, and the courage to get a rockin' haircut!!

See you tonight at 6:45 for our transformation. Love you, SO proud of you, and I can't wait to see what "new" people we will see in the mirror by this summer.

One Month Update

Okay, so today I weighed in and lost another 3 lbs. This makes a total of 21 in a month. I am very excited for the next month, to see what I can accomplish. It hasn't been easy, but it hasn't been horrible either. I have had my moments where I see something on TV that looks good, but haven't had the desire to go off the plan. I'm sure there will be times it gets harder, but for now, I am right on track to what they say should be lost in a month. The average is between 12-17 lbs., so I have actually exceeded their goal.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I walked last night at the mall by myself. I put my ipod in, and just said, "whatever." It was too cold to walk outside, and my parents had already walked earlier in the day, but I refused to let it stop me from doing it. So, go ME!!

Everyone have a great day, and remember to make healthy choices now, so that you can "fudge" a little in the future, but still be healthy!!

"E is for exercise"

A month ago, if you told me that I would want to exercise everyday, I would have laughed and changed the subject. But, since I have been losing this weight, it's reminded me how much I used to really like to exercise. It's that 30 minutes that I take for me. It's my selfish time.

And, no matter how busy you are, everyone has 30 minutes a day that they can spend just on themselves.

Think about it...it's that re-run of Two and Half Men that you've seen like 20 times before, so just turn the tv off, put some shoes on, and put one foot in front of the other. Walking is great! It relieves stress, it's good for your heart, and it's not hard.

I usually don't like to go to the gym because it seems that everyone in there is super-fit and they stare at me because I got booty~ But, if you think about it, they weren't always that fit either. So, it just takes baby steps for anyone. WE ALL have insecurities, but knowing that I am doing something everyday that is getting me one step closer to that figure I want to see in the mirror, makes the idea of joining a gym not that scary.

Anybody know a good gym that likes booty-licious 29 year old brunettes?? :-)

Random Thoughts

I had some things on my mind today, so I thought I would share...

Today at work, someone said, "Hey Michelle, your stomach is getting smaller, like really small." I was like, "I know, isn't it great!" I have been walking a ton...

I sit at work and all I can think about is being outside in the sun walking my dog, or wondering what time my mom is going to call to walk at the mall if the weather isn't as nice.

I shaved my legs yesterday for the first time in, what seems like forever, and I am getting excited about wearing spring and summer clothes in my closet that I bought last year when I was smaller.

I have been tanning, and starting to get brown. And, it makes me feel smaller, and have a healthy glow. (And, no Sylvia, it doesn't leave little white marks if you don't shave...hahahahaha!!!!!!!!)

I am just all together a much happier person, and I am so thankful for the willpower that God gave me to start this up again! Without him, nothing is possible.

Week 3

I lost 3.5 lbs. this week, and was on vacation!!! I am so proud!! Total loss is 18 lbs so far!!! Get ready for next week, because the monthly picture is coming. Feeling very positive today, and ready to take on my busy work schedule!!

Everything social revolves around FOOD!

Last night, we celebrated my boyfriend's 40th B-day at Olive Garden. But, don't worry, I didn't cheat! I did my research ahead of time, looking online to find out what I could have. I ended up choosing the salmon with broccolli and red peppers. And, it was really tasty! Then, came the dessert. I had got him a cake at coldstone creamery with his favorite cake batter ice cream, topped with graham cracker pieces, and crunched reeses.

How did I handle this one you ask? I planned ahead. Told myself that I don't really like that kind of ice cream anyways, so it wouldn't be a big deal. I got the smaller cake, since there was only 8 people to share it, to prevent having the leftovers in my freezer. Well, that didn't quite work out, because not everyone ate it. But, it's okay. I just told myself I bought this cake as part of his gift, so in turn it's his.

I am telling you, the things I have overcome and defeated in just 2 1/2 weeks has made me such a stronger person. I am able to just look at food and say, "I own you...you don't control me anymore!", and it is a great feeling of accomplishment.

So, to all you people who think losing weight is just about never getting to eat anything you want ever again, you are wrong. It's all about willpower until you get to a place where you can reintroduce the foods you love in smaller portions.

So, just plan ahead, and show that food who's boss!!

Walking for a Cure

Okay, I did it!

I am officially registered for a 1 mile walk/run for the Susan G. Komen breast cancer foundation on April 10, 2010.

I am super excited to exercise for this cause! If you would like to make a donation, or feel like you want to walk or run, go to Komenroanoke.org and sign up!!!

The more the merrier!!

Week 2

I lost another 4.6 lbs this week! I am so proud of myself, and I am so determined, that no matter how much people doubt, hate, or try to tell me they "feel sorry for me", I hope they realize all it does is make me want to work that much harder. This battle is between me and the food, nothing personal to do with you or anything you chose to eat.

Big thanks to all my supporters, and my teammate (you know who you are!) for all the hard work!!!!! You're doing great!!!

Ode to My Jeans

As much as I hate to say goodbye, I am glad to see you go.
I had to put my foot down, and decide when to say no.

You have been so comforting, and at times a little tight.
But, as I outgrew you, I've come to see the light.

I am not going to keep you, as a sentiment of love.
Because I am now wearing a smaller size, never again to rise above.

I will never forget you, but your memory will soon begin to fade.
As I am looking and feeling better already in the new body I've made.

So, farewell my jeans, and on to the new journey you will begin.
I hope you soon find someone else to fit, and quickly become thier best friend!

I lost ten freakin' pounds in a week!!

This has just been amazing. I've eaten great, and this week I started walking again. I have enough energy to get up and go, and it's awesome! So excited to see what this next week has in store for me.

Just One Week...

Hey, all...just wanted to tell you all the great things I noticed in just one week of truly eating 100% healthy!

1. My face is smaller (no more semi-moon face Ashley!)
2. My pants fit looser, and my stomach is flatter.
3. I have more energy; today walking up that big hill to work from the parking lot, I was not winded at all for the first time in almost a year!!
4. I sleep better; dreaming alot which means deeper sleep.
5. I have not craved sweets at all, even bought my man ice cream the other day, and sat beside him as he ate it like it was nothing...huge accomplishment!!!
6. I have actually cooked and prepared my food, been grocery shopping, and am paying attention to portion sizes, and labels.
7. Fruits and vegetables taste so good to me, and I don't take that for granted.
8. I wake up with a smile on my face, and ready to face the day for whatever it may be.
9. I imagine myself as I am going to look this summer, and by Nov for my 30th B-day, and I am excited about the transformation, and what's to come in my future. And, that is huge to me, as for a while I just felt trapped.
10. And, lastly, I am so happy that my girl Sylvia started the program this weekend, and we are going to push and encourage each other until we each reach that finish line!!!

Weigh-in is today at 4:45, so I will have a brand new post first thing in the morning for you!! Get ready, it's going to be great!!