A different kind of loss...

This weekend I had an epiphany. And, it had a lot to do with my current relationship, and how I related that to my relationship with food. I think when you are losing weight, you need a support system. Whether it's your family who believes in you no matter how many programs you have tried and failed. Or, whether it's your partner who loves you and only wants whatever makes you happy. But, what happens if that person doesn't really want you to lose weight, because they are afraid you will gain too much self confidence and realize that you don't need that person to make you feel beautiful?

And, that is what I have been struggling with for some time now, and until this weekend, I wasn't really sure what to do about it. Don't get me wrong, this is not the only thing that bothered me in our relationship, but control has always been an issue for us. It's like when I am heavy, he had a certain way to make me feel good about myself, even if I wasn't feeling that way. And, since I am taking control of my weight, the scales are starting to shift.

For the first time in a long time, I am able to say, I feel good about myself, no matter what other people say or feel. It is always nice to get compliments, and encouragement from my support group. But, no matter what, I am doing this for me, and nobody else. I have started to see the cracks in our relationship for what they are, and am no longer blinded by fat.

So, after a few weeks of deep thought, I decided that I just need to take a break from him. I love him very much, and miss him already. But, I know that when I set my mind to anything, I give it 100%. And, that's all I have ever asked for in return. I figured that the only way to truly stay focused and give 100% to this diet, was to eliminate any shred of negative influence.

I hope that I made the right decision, and only time will tell. But, for right now, just as I am sticking to protein and veggies, I am going to stick to this decision. I have started to see a change in myself that I really like. And, I can't afford to let anything, not even my 3 year love/hate relationship, get in the way of my success.

This decision was really hard, but I feel empowered to take control over my life. I feel strong. I am not scared to be alone. In fact, it has been six years (combined total of my two past relationships) since I have been single.

Maybe it's time to find out just who Michelle is. Not Michelle and Darryl. Not Michelle and Danny. Just Michelle.