Seeing is believing

As I was walking up the hill to work today, I was thinking about my reflection in the mirror. I have talked briefly about this before, but I was focusing this time on the image I saw in a window as I was walking to my Cadet's classroom to teach them a new security clearance process. For some reason today, my roll didn't look so spare-tire like as it had been for the past few weeks. I have struggled and gained a few pounds, and I knew why, but this week I vowed to correct the problem by writing down all my food, having a healthy weekend, and sticking to the plan with little variance this week. And, I really have felt a sense of accomplishment.

The biggest issue with this journey (which at times seems impossible and very long) is maintaining control. And, when my eating is in control, I have so much power and energy to focus on other things going on in my life. And, for those things that I cannot control, I let go and let God handle them in his time not mine.

I know this week is going to be a good weigh in, regardless of what the scale says. Our meeting last week talked about celebrating small successes and looking at how far you have come. And, I often forget just how far that actually is.

First few weeks back...

I was focused and it payed off at the scale on Saturday. I lost 3 lbs. my first week back! Our meeting focused on all types of losses, from large to small. And, I know that with a loss like that the first week, the second week is always slower. So, I'm trying to remember that slow and steady wins the race!

I had a "free day" Sunday and ate pasta, and some real ice cream. It was good going down, but then after I felt tired and heavy. So, first thing Monday morning, I was back in WW mode. Today I brought lots of fruits and veggies, and foods to keep me full!

And this also means, no more late night trips to the cabinet for cookies!! Even if they are calling my name and they are reduced fat, I am going to shut my eyes and just say no! That's my downfall, in the middle of the night I wake up to pee, and then I go scavenger hunting in the cabinets to help me fall back asleep.

I had a craving for Chinese yesterday, and I looked on E tools on the WW website, and it shows you how to make a lower fat spread. But, first I tried all the virtual things I usually eat, and it came up to like 41 points for just one meal! Now, I only get 27 points a day, so I will definately not be eating those items.

It's just crazy how you think something couldn't be that unhealthy, plus it tastes so good. But, the lesson I was reminded of is looking up the points values and the nutrition before I put it in my mouth. Because if you don't the taste takes over and you are done for!

Today I tried a new yoplait delights yogurt/pudding. It was chocolate rasberry, and it was really good! For me, it's all about variety and being in control. So, tonight if those cookies come a' callin', I'm going to shut them down without a second guess!!

WW

I am officially back on track and it feels great!!

I decided to switch up my plan, and go back to Weight Watchers with my mom last Saturday. I have been seeing so many commercials with Jennifer Hudson on it, and she looks great! I had also been seeing where they were offering free registration, and one month free. So, I called my mom, who is a lifetime member and hadn't been for a while, and she said it was fate! They had sent her a card in the mail to come back to the meeting that very same Saturday. And off we went...

It wasn't scary, because I knew I had gained since I left the Weigh Station. Almost two months had gone by, and I had been pretty much eating what I wanted again and starting to notice my clothes getting tighter. It was definitely time to take action. I stepped on the scale, and I had gained 11 lbs. in just 2 months. Not too bad, but not great either. Mom, on the other hand had done really well, only 14 lbs. in almost a year, wow, go MOM!!!

So, we are both doing great this week, tracking our points, and making healthier conscious choices. We are walking in the afternoons, so far we haven't had the chance to walk together, but I may call her tonight and see if she wants to. I have been staying at work pretty late in the evenings, but it has given me a chance to focus on myself when I get home, and I feel like I am in CONTROL again! And, that's really what it's all about for me. I am a control freak, I get it, and I own it!

After WW, we had a total girls day, and I loved it! We got groceries, bought new bedding and curtains for her room, enjoyed two healthy meals out, bought some fall decorations, and went to Bath and Body Works and used some awesome coupons!

Every day I wake up I tell myself I am skinny, and I have noticed a change in my outlook this week, and my pants are feeling a little looser already. Whatever the loss is, I know it will be a success for me because it's a loss!

So, here it is world, 3 years since I started trying to lose this weight, and I am still going. But, my mom said something to me that I didn't even think about before. She said "just imagine how big you would be if you hadn't done something about this when you did, and at least stayed conscious of it this whole time. You might not even be here."

And, what would the world be without this Michelle?? I dare not to dream...

Change is Hard

For everyone who has told me to update my blog, here goes...

Where do I begin? Perhaps with my double chin...

Since I posted the last blog, I did not accomplish my goal. I tried on the dress the night before leaving for my trip to KY for the wedding, and it was way too tight for me to sit and be comfortable, okay...so maybe it was too tight for me to breath. Regardless, I decided that I was going to have to buy a dress once I got there. It was actually the first dress I tried on, and it was around the same price, so no love loss there.

But, here it is, the first day of school and I am wearing rolled up jeans and my work polo, when I should be in some super cute outfit that makes me feel amazing. But, the truth is, I don't feel anything. I don't feel any guilt or remorse for not fitting into the dress, and that scares me a little. And, other than my cute hair-cut, I haven't really felt all that good about myself lately.

My addiction to food is almost like a bad relationship. I say I am going to leave, but I am afraid to stop the habit completely. I build up my confidence, work really hard for a few months, lose some weight, then I get stuck. I fall back into the familiar pattern of coffee and sweets in the morning, and then going out to lunch sometimes instead of always packing, and then grabbing some fast food just because it's easier than cooking dinner.

At least I can say I am honest. Brutally honest at times, and I think that's what I need to hear in return as feedback. I don't want anyone to read this and say, you can do it Michelle, I know you can. I want you to say, get off your ass and kick the bad food to the curb!! (Okay, so maybe I want support also).

But, it's more than just food...

My life hasn't been the easiest in the past couple of months, and a lot of it I have brought on myself. I have lived in fear, and allowed it to control and manipulate the way I think and feel about myself. I do know that I really want to be happy, whatever that means. I can't think of the last time I was truly just happy with Michelle. Not just moments, but for lengthy periods of time.

Every year around this time I start thinking about my life and my future. I think how much I would love to go back to school and pursue my dreams, and not get stuck in a routine that, although at times can be very challenging and fulfilling, doesn't make me feel complete. I am very blessed to have my job, and to be able to experience things and meet new people. But, something is happening inside me that is screaming, I need to dig deeper.

Maybe it's because I am going to be 30. Maybe it's because I am trying to find myself in a recent sea of insecurity and doubt. Maybe it's because I am challenging everything I ever thought to be true about relationships. I'm not sure what is happening to me, other than that I am growing and learning and living.

And, with that comes change. Hard change. I watched Eat, Pray, Love last night, and it really made me think about my life. Now, realistically, I cannot afford to take an entire year off to visit Italy, India, and Bali to find myself, but I guess I can do little things to help me shift my focus towards the right path.

I'm starting with today, just talking out loud...

Steak for Breakfast

Good Morning all my protein lovers!! Okay, so really how many of you are out there?? Probably not too many. But, it's the key to jump-starting your metabolism. After my last weigh-in, I ate up all the fruit and veggies that I had already prepared (didn't want to waste food, it's too expensive!!), and today begins the dreaded APP...All Protein Phase!

So, it's really not that bad or dreaded, because on this program, it only lasts for two days. And, we can do anything for one day, and then another day after that day...

I woke up kind of drained this morning. I had a really long stressful last week, the weekend wasn't much better, and this week has proven to be a bear so far as well. But, if anything can make me feel better, it's lean protein!! On Saturday, despite the heat, my mom grilled out steaks. She sent me home with a pretty big piece, and after it sat in the fridge uneaten until today, I thought, I better take this to lunch so I don't waste it. Then, as I was almost at work, realizing that I hadn't packed any breakfast, I decided instead of stopping somewhere unhealthy, I would eat half my steak for breakfast, and the other half at lunch! I toyed with the idea of starting my protein phase today, since the July 4th holiday is coming up this weekend and I know we will be doing some kind of family cook-out. But, I gave myself no more room for excuses or reasons to wait any longer.

Yesterday, I went dress shopping for an upcoming wedding, and I found a great dress in a size 14. I put it on, and it didn't zip. I wasn't surprised, because right now a 16 would probably fit much better. But the wedding is a little over a month away, and I wanted to motivate myself even more for that success!

Ideally on this plan, in a month, I could lose anywhere from 10-20 lbs. if I follow it to a tee! So, I may need to go back and get a size 12. But, I didn't want to set my goal too high and not be able to achieve it. And, that hits the nail on the head right there. You have to set small goals in your life, and they have to be attainable. My goal can't be just to lose weight, although that is the blanket goal. But, the specific, measurable goal is I want to lose 10 lbs. before that wedding. I want to fit in my dress, and it be a little loose, not snug at all. I want to be comfortable in it, and I want to feel that accomplishment.

The countdown is on...T-38 days!!

"21 times"

This morning when I was driving to work, I debated on whether or not I was going to reschedule my weigh-in appointment for the third time in a month. I left the house in plenty of time to either call and reschedule, or to show up right at 8:45. I knew what the right decision was, but I weighed the pro's and con's anyway. I was scared to step on that scale. In the past month, I continued the 90/10 that I wrote about in the last blog (which I said I wasn't going to do). I had been on vacation with the family and eaten blueberry pancakes, and cookies, and all the bread I wanted. Of course, I was on vacation, but still I could have made better choices. The point is, I didn't. And, I hadn't been for a while.

There are so many excuses and reasons why I could put on here as to why I have been doing this. Stress, family get-to-gathers, summer time foods...the list could go on. But, the truth is, I have gotten out of my habit. I have resorted back to old habits. It's really easy to do. We are creatures of habit, and the hardest one's to break are the one's you have been doing the longest. Don't get it twisted, losing weight takes work!!!! And, the only work I have been doing has been with my mouth, not my willpower.

As I was finishing up some credit counseling this morning, I heard the lady say psychologist B.F. Skinner confirmed "it only takes 21 times to make something a habit", and that really made me think. Of course, she was referring to writing down what you spend each day for a month to determine where to find money leaks. But, really, this can be applied to anything. When I first started this program, I went 39 days without cheating!! Well over that 21 days, and I know I am capable of doing it again.

As I was sitting in the waiting room to be called back for my weigh-in, I saw Dr. Shaffer. Now, if you remember him from my last blog post, when I had come in and gained those 3 lbs., he was the one that took my weight. I prayed that he wasn't the one taking my weight today, so I could make some excuses with a nurse, and she wouldn't fuss at me too much. But, wouldn't you know it, "Michelle, come on back" came out of his mouth.

Walking down the hall, he said, "How you been doing pretty lady?" I said, well worse now because I got you again. We both laughed. He said, "The Holy Ghost always knows, doesn't he?" We talked about how to push myself beyond this STUCK point, and how not to give up, and how every morning when I wake up, I have to say YOU CAN DO IT!!

I told him the truth, and I got on that scale....205.4. I had stayed the same!!!! How this was possible, I do not know. I guess the Holy Ghost was looking out for me today. I still had only gained the 3 lbs. from before. And, if I really push myself this week, eating my protein, I KNOW I CAN LOSE THAT STUBBORN 5 LBS. AND PUSH MYSELF UNDER 200!!!

On a side note, I did have one positive motivator while I was on vacation. I wore a bathing suit (a real one, not shorts or a skirt...a real one piece) for the first time since 6th grade, and I looked darn good in it!!!

Life is still good, and I am still proud of my accomplishments to this point. So, tomorrow when I wake up, I am going to begin day 1 of 21 and go from there. One day at a time, forming a new habit of working towards my final goal. Dr. Shaffer told me once I reached my lean body mass he would take me out for blueberry pancakes! His last words as I was checking out was, "God bless little lady", and he truly meant it.

One toe dragging...

I have to admit it, to whoever is reading this, that for these past 3 1/2 weeks, I have been doing what I like to call the 90/10. This means, that 90% of the time I am eating right, exercising every day, drinking water, and feeling great. The other 10%, I have allowed ice cream, cookies, and bread to come back in small increments. Why, you ask? Well, I have a couple theories...

My last weigh-in I was only 2 lbs. away from being under 200 again. There are only two other times that I have been this weight. Once, I was about 12, running track on the JV team, and weighing in at about 160-170. I thought I was a whale then, but of course when all you have is a bunch of barbies and "rah-rahs!" to compare yourself too, the proportions were highly skewed. The second time, was the last time I lost a significant amount of weight about two years ago.

I think in some weird way, which I talked to my Dr. about this today when I weighed in, I was allowing myself to believe that I would never be able to maintain being under 200 again, and I sabataged myself into thinking that I didn't deserve anything other than what I had achieved. But, I have to finally get over that mindset...somehow, or else I will continue to be proud of my successes, but never push myself to the finish line. And, I want to cross that line more than I have wanted a lot of things in my life!!!

So, I put on my pink shorts (the one's I always weigh in), and got up on that scale. I had gained 3 lbs. I wasn't happy, but I was relieved that it was an amount that I was capable of taking back off in a short amount of time. I told myself that I was going to hit it 100% this week, for seven days...no cheats...and watch myself smile as that scale tips under 200 next week!! I know I can do it, and I know that I can go beyond that.

I pray each day for the strength to handle what life throws at me, and I talk to God all day long. I knew what I was doing wasn't right, but I did it anyways, and I now have to buckle down, and get back on that wagon.

My mom has maintained her 60 + lb. weight loss for over 2 years now, and even she struggles daily. Her and I had a conversation the other day about how for about a month she started to eat "treats" at night that weren't the best choices, and how in a months time, she had gained 7 lbs. We talked about how when she finally had the courage to step on that scale, and face what she had done, she was relieved that it wasn't more weight, and also that she was able to take hold of it, realized that she had changed from that old Dianne, and get back on track!

We talked this morning after my weigh-in, and she said, "Michelle, we haven't completely fallen off the wagon. The wagon has just tipped a little bit, and we have one leg on it, and one toe dragging the ground. And, I totally understood what she meant. There will be plenty of time to give myself permission to do 90/10, just not while I am trying to lose this weight. And, for it to become my biggest success to date, I have to be diligent and give it 100% like I did in the beginning.

In life, we have ups and downs, and we have struggles, but we have to just get back up, and put our noses to the grind. We have to make a commitment to ourselves that we are worth the long-term investments, and that the hard work will pay off in the end. It sounds so easy, but sometimes, we have to slip in order to know where we stand.

And, I know exactly what I have to do from here, and that is a good feeling.

Patience is a Virtue

Sorry to have kept everyone waiting this long without a post, but I really haven't had that much to say. I have kept very busy at work, and have been stressed with the usual daily chores of life: bills, relationships, etc. But, I have to say that I am pretty proud of myself for trying to stay in a positive frame of mind. I remember on my Weight Watchers journey, how I got stuck, so I quit. Life sort of "happened" as they say, and the next thing you know, it was a year later, and I had gained 51 lbs back!!

But, this time it feels as though life is "happening" again, and I have struggled to maintain that extreme motivation, but I have not quit! I will never quit!! I put myself a note on the fridge about being patient, and how timing is everything in life. You can't always try to force a square peg into a round hole and expect everything to be fine. Life isn't easy. It is full of ups and downs, and plenty of things can get in the way of your goals. But, you have to keep pushing. Keep climbing even when it hurts, you are tired, and it seems easier to eat ice cream to deal with the stress.

I am putting it all in the hands of my teacher. HE gives me strength and wisdom and courage not to quit. HE taught me patience as a child, and he keeps me strong. Without him, I would quit.

Not this time Michelle, not this time...

36 lbs down baby!!!!

As you guessed, today was a wonderful weigh-in. For the past two weigh-ins (I go every two weeks now), I have had a 6 lb. loss. I am so excited, and I am only 2 lbs. away from being under 200 again!!!! And, this will be the second time in my life that I can say I reached this goal. But, this time feels so DIFFERENT...

I've noticed that I have lost in different areas this time. My stomach and waist is getting really small (small for me), and my hips and thighs have also shrunk. And, of course, with the weight loss comes a smaller bra. But, that's why they have Vickie C's ultimate push-up bras!

Here is a rundown of my "total" weight loss (inches and lbs.)

Neck: 13.25 to 12.75
Chest: 46 to 42.25
Arms: 15 to 13.5
Abdomen: 42.5 to 38
Hips: 53 to 48
Thighs: 27 to 24.5
Weight: 238 to 202
BMI: 43 to 36.6

All of this in 10 weeks=2 1/2 months of eating right, indulging a little, exercising a lot, and drinking tons of water!

The sky is truly the limit...and I give him all the praise and glory for my success!!

Short is sexy!

My new haircut makes me feel FANTASTIC!! In fact, one of my Cadets came in today, and gasped saying just that! She made me blush. (Thank you so much Jeanie...you ROCK!) I am so glad I decided to cut it. I am made for short hair. And, I am feeling made over, and ready to work it!!

Freaky Friday!

So, this morning I woke up, got dressed, and came to work as usual. I had been sort of frumpy and tired all week (mental stress), but today I felt like I wanted to get up, take a shower, and be cute. After all it is Friday, and the little birdies woke me up outside my window at about 5:30 a.m.

As I was fixing my hair, I realized that yes, I can't wait to get it cut next week. But, also that when I looked back into the mirror I was seeing a totally new person. It's not often that we stop and really talk to ourselves in the mirror up close and personal. And, NO this is not like pretending to be Snow White, and it doesn't make us crazy. We should take time more often to really look at ourselves in the mirror, not just from a distance. I think as humans we get so used to seeing the same thing in the mirror, that it really takes someone else outside of our bodies to say, "wow, you look different!"

And, today at work, my friend Connie in the Air Force office down the hall said, "your shrinking Michelle! Even on Weight Watchers, I don't remember the results being this good." And, that was really nice to hear. I noticed that when I put my jeans on this morning, I could pull out about 3 to 4 inches of loose material away from my waist, and I had to hike them up like a granny. And, when I showed Connie that it was time to get some new jeans, she was like, "remember, these are the one's that you were practically busting out of a few months ago." And, she's right. These were the same jeans that a week after I bought them, I had to sew the crotch because one morning when I went to get gas, I leaned in the car to put away my debit, and I heard a rip!!

It's crazy how much this plan has changed my life!! I feel like I have switched bodies with someone else, and I am really enjoying this one. I don't want to give it back either. So, yes, sometimes I cheat a little bit, but for the most part, I follow this plan to a tee, and it has paid off. So, for all those people that struggle with this, just take it day by day, work really hard at trying to stay on the plan, and you will see results!! And, remember to exercise those demons!!

A Home Away from Home...Greensboro, NC

This past weekend, I was a part of something so awesome!! I did my second race in a month for the March of Dimes March for Babies in Greensboro, NC with Sylvia and her wonderful family. This was a 3.5 K run/walk around the entire city of Greensboro. We had a motorcade, and since we were the Ambassador Family, we led the walk along with the booming drums of the North Carolina A & T Aggies drumline.

We left on Friday around lunchtime, and headed to Four Seasons Mall first. We got some really cute shirts and a dress, all on sale, from some stores that we do not have in Roanoke. Other than the Garmin taking us all over the crazy backroads, and the geese/ducks? that almost hit our car coming off the exit ramp, oh yeah, and that big thing she ran over that got stuck to the front bumper of that SUV, we got there in one piece!

When we got to her brother Anthony's house, we were welcomed with open arms, and a bunch of her family that I had never met. But, by the end of the weekend, it was like I had known them, and been a part of their family forever. We got to spend time with the kids, Tyler and Ashley, and also ate a lot of food!! Needless to say, I was not on my diet this weekend, but how could I pass up dinner at the Japanese steak house as a family? :-)

Saturday morning, before the race, we all got up, got dressed in our "Team Tessa" t-shirts that we stayed up until 1 a.m. making, and headed downstairs for some breakfast and to get organized. Once we got to the park, the weather was beautiful, and we were ready to go!!

During the opening ceremonies, we learned that with all the help of the local community, plus many sponsors and families, the total amount raised was over 1 million dollars!! This was the biggest turn-out Greensboro had ever seen for the March of Dimes walk, and I felt like I was a part of something bigger than myself.

During the walk, I had a moment of reflection. It was after I had reached the 3 K marker, and had less than .5 K to go. My feet were starting to hurt from running and walking, but never once did I want to stop! I began to cry, and had a talk with God. I told him thank you for allowing my life to be what it has become in the last few months. I told him how grateful I was that he opened my ears, and allowed me to listen to his voice. It was a voice that was always there, but has been much more prevalent here lately. I told him that without him, I would not have these experiences to cherish, and I am such a better person because of it. I know he was listening...I felt him there with me pushing me to the finish line with such vigor and energy.

When it was time to leave yesterday, I really wished that we didn't have to go. The kids were sad to see us leave, but we had to get home to our normal routine, and get ready for work today. This weekend was so much more than just a race. Not only did I have a great time with these people, I gained a few more members of my extended family. I know I am always welcome at Fox Haven Dr.

Earth Day

I woke up today, and had been looking forward to it, all week long. Today is Earth Day. It is a day to be green 100% even if you don't normally practice recycling at home or at work. And, all day long I have been going around looking for things to "fix."

This morning my co-worker threw a bottle of water and an orange juice container in the trashcan, and I made her pick it out. I took them to the bathroom and washed them out, and put them in the recycling container.

Coming back from lunch, I noticed that someone had thrown a box and a newspaper in the regular trashcan. I picked them up, of course, and walked them down the hall to the bin.

Our newest co-worker had a soda can in his trash, and when I came in to make copies of some medical documents, he picked it out, hid it behind his back, and tried to create a diversion as he backed it up to the green container in the hallway.

And, my favorite part of the day, was being officially recognized as the "recycling sheriff" by the Sustainability Program Manager (one of our former Professors of Military Science) for all the hard work I do around here to make everyone so conscience of it, today, and everyday.

At home, Roanoke City provided me with a paper and a plastic bin. They even have a monthly contest of who recycles properly, and how much waste they save each month. Who knows, maybe I could win that prize??

I just believe in going the extra mile to try to make our future a better place. I sure hope to be around a long time, and I want mother Earth to be as beautiful a place as it is to me today.

Although allergies have stopped me up for about 3 weeks, I still love to go outside and just look around at all of God's greatest creations.

So, for me, just walk a little further, and put it in the green bin instead of the gray can!

I will now step down from my soapbox...

30 gone before I'm thirty...

Okay, so I had a roller-coaster of two weeks, with some major sweet cravings (it was that time last week ladies), but I weighed in today, and was ecstatic about a 6.2 weight loss!!!!!

So, this pushes me right up to the 30 lb. mark, and I couldn't be happier. I don't have to say it, THIS PLAN WORKS, but I want to scream it!!! I hugged the nurse so tight today, and told her that I wanted to run around the room. She backed up against the wall and said, "go for it!"

She complimented me on my mental strength, and assured me that it would help me push forward to reach my final goal. I truly feel like a different person. I am loving the way I feel after I exercise, or put something in my body that I know is giving it strength and nourishment instead of just empty calories.

I drink enough water to be part camel, but it's flushing my system out of all impurities, and it helps me stay full longer. I find that I don't want anything else to drink. No soda, no coffee (what has the world come to?), and definitely when I have went out and had a few beers, I have felt like a dehydrated mess the next day.

I only have 21 left to lose of the 51 I gained last year, and I have now lost a total of 61.3 since March 2007. I am feeling that 75 milestone again, and it is making me very excited!!

Sylvia and I are heading up to Greensboro this weekend to do the March of Dimes walk for babies. This is a 3.5 mile walk in honor of her niece Tessa that was born premature and lived only a short 117 days. It feels so good to be ABLE to do these kind of events, and know that I am not going to pass out or want to quit mid-way through it.

There is a time in everyone's life where they feel a change has to be made. And, for me, this is the completion of the initial transformation I began in 2007.

And, this time, I will become the beautiful butterfly...

I was Running...

So, for my friend, the blog natzi, here it goes...

I had to come up with something to talk about, and I thought about this weekend when I took my Dini-dog for a long walk/run around my neighborhood. We left no street untouched, and no phone pole un-peed on. He loves walking outside, and it benefits us both. It is good exercise, and it makes him really sleepy.

I have been trying to add a little more running each time to the mix, and I'll set small goals like, "let's run to the school sign", and the next time, "let's run past the school sign to the parking lot." I know he doesn't know what I am saying, but it's really cute watching him run alongside me, nipping at my pants leg.

I love having my house in a wonderful neighborhood that has plenty of hills, and places for new adventures. We always see someone mowing their yard, or some old man walking himself very slowly, and we smile, say hello, and keep it moving!

He is the best companion, and he never says no when I say, "wanna go for a walk?"

55.1 lbs

I woke up feeling a little under the weather today, but I have been noticing, this week especially since I ran some this weekend, how much better my cloths have been fitting. Especially the way my dresses have been hanging nicely around my much smaller mid-section.

So, I decided to pull out my old Weight Watchers book to look at my "original" starting weight from 2007 and compare it to where I am since my last weigh-in on 4/5/10. And, I was so happy to see that since then I have lost 55.1 lbs!! I have lost a total of 23.2 of the "second" starting weight, which is almost half the weight I had put back on since the "original" weight loss.

Confused yet??

The point is...I am so happy to see that number above 50. I remember the first time I was losing, when I could say I had lost 50 lbs. that was a huge accomplishment! And, when I hit 75 lbs. I was in shock! Then, to say to someone that I had once lost 86 lbs was like a dream come true!! I had set my "original" goal of 100 lbs. and still haven't gotten to that one yet, but I know it's coming. To reach that goal, I have to lose another 45 lbs. But, I know I can do it. And, the closer I get, the more I remember those old feelings of excitement.

Weight loss has and ALWAYS will be a struggle for me. But, I am going to push myself this time farther than I have ever gone before. I want to reach that goal of 100, and who knows after that? I see it, I taste it, and I am so ready to finally achieve it!!!!

Race for the Cure-10 April 2010

This past weekend, I participated in a truly Amazing event. I did a 3 K Breast Cancer walk/run in honor of all the Cancer survivors, and also my mom, who survived Cervical Cancer in her 20's. As you all know by now, I have been losing weight, and walking at least 5 times a week preparing for this big day. I have been excited about it for weeks, and was so glad when I woke up Saturday morning, and I could put on that shirt that said "Race for a Cure."

Sylvia came down and stayed with me Friday night, and we got a good night's rest. We woke up early, had our healthy protein filled breakfast, and put our game faces on. I cut up apples as a snack, and we headed to Greenhill Park. On the way there, we found out our team captain was super sick, but that she had a back-up plan, sister Connie to the rescue! So our team that was once 6 was down to 3, but we were still pumped!

The weather was quite chilly at first, but once it was time for our race to begin, we were warming up with the day's sunshine. We walked the first entire lap, and then Connie said it was time to run. I knew in the back of my mind that I was going to push myself, and I wasn't sure how far I could go, but I decided to just start running and see what happened. I ran the entire straight away on the second lap, and I had to stop. I was so proud of myself, because normally my endurance is nothing like that with running. Sylvia had been "training" to run on the treadmill in the gym, but so far, I had just been mostly walking and jogging sometimes with my little Dini-dog.

But, once I got in my groove, there was no stopping it! I decided to run a part of the green-way the second time around, and made it really close to the pic-nic table area. Sylvia and I walked the rest of the way until we saw the 2.6 K marker. At that point, we were near the river, and it was almost the finish line. So, we kicked it up the last notch and ran until we reached the 3K marker in pink! On the way in, I felt like a hero, I was slapping hands with all the kids at the finish line as they were saying, "good job, good job!" and high-fiving me! It was awesome!!! I was on a high for the rest of the day!

After the race was over, Sylvia and I decided to get our nails and toes done, and just chill for a bit. We ate a yummy lunch, and enjoyed the rest of our day together. I can't imagine anyone else that I would want to share this journey with. She is a truly inspirational friend, and someone I consider just like family. She is doing awesome on her weight-loss journey, and we just continue to push each other, and talk our way through all our issues with this program. We are truly blessed to have met, and known each other now for 10 years!

This weekend showed me a lot about myself, and just how wonderful life can be if you just take advantage of every God given opportunity. I would have never been able to do any of this without his love, strength, and forgiveness. And, this is only one of many of those moments that I will remember forever.

Ode to the Pollen

Oh sweet smelling pollen, why do you make me sneeze?
And making my throat sore, just as you please.

I love the sunshiney weather, as it makes me want to move.
But, what happens this weekend when I don't have my normal groove?

I am walking for a cure you see, so I cannot be sick.
And, when I hit that finish line, I don't want to miss a lick.

I guess I will carry tissues, and stuff them in my bra.
Because what's more sexy than having a nose that doesn't know how to stop?

Running that is, and I guess I won't be doing that.
For fear that the pollen will rise up and make me fall flat.

I sure hope you listen, and hear what I'm saying.
Cause I'm doing this race, and I will keep praying.

Praying for those who have fought this battle and lost.
And, for those that have survived, whatever the cost.

So, dear pollen, whether you are a friend or a foe.
Please just cool it off a little bit, so off to that race I can go!!

I am not a Diet Robot

This is the beginning of my 7th week on this program. And, for 42 days I had stuck to this program to a tee! No cheats, no giving in to temptation and cravings, and no thoughts of what the old way of eating felt like. But, this weekend, I decided that I wanted to take a breather. Have a weekend that felt somewhat normal, and eat somewhere without picking the carrots out of my salad, or substituting fries for broccoli. So, I did.

On Saturday, I had dinner with my girl, ate a burger and fries from O'Charleys. And, for dessert I had a mini brownie with caramel and fudge topping, and a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream. And, it taste good. The only downside to that was I felt really full, and for the rest of the night, I was burping it up! My body was like, "what the heck is this stuff?" But, I don't regret it. Sometimes you do have to live in that moment, and just make a decision and stick to it.

Saturday night we went out, and I had a few beers and danced all night long. I had the best weekend I have had in a long time!! And, I deserved it. Every last calorie.

Then...came Easter Sunday at Grandma's house. But, I only ate protein. No fruit, no veggies, no dessert. I was back on the train as my friend Ashley call's it. I spent time with my family, and headed home to do some yard work and cleaning around the house.

Today I weighed in with a 2.8 loss! And, I am happy. I know it could have been more, but I am proud of myself for being in control of my eating this long, and having the strength to "fudge" and get right back to it without skipping a beat!

My total loss is 23.2 lbs, and I am only 14.8 lbs away from being under 200 again. I feel great, I look great, and I can't stop smiling today!

Thank you Lord, for all you have given me and continue to show me about myself. I am truly blessed!

Spring is in the Air!

The weather here has been beautiful since yesterday. And, today, is supposed to be the warmest yet with temps going up into the 80's!! And, since I have been losing weight, I have been getting really excited for these warmer days. I have a lot of clothes in my closet from last summer when I was about this size, so it's been really fun trying stuff on and seeing what I can fit into again. Last night, I decided to do something I never do...lay my clothes out the night before. Usually, I just get up and decide in the morning, but since my friend was wearing her Spring dress, it inspired me to lay my outfit out ahead of time. I decided to wear some crop pants, and a really cute yellow shirt, and some funky jewelry. I tried it on in front of the mirror, and was really surprised at how much slimmer I actually looked than last year. It's funny when you lose weight, because each time you lose it differently. It depends on the kind of food and exercise you are doing, as to which places lose first. And, this time, I have noticed a major difference in my upper and lower tummy area. (Don't worry, the booty is still there, but looking more proportional with my smaller waste).

So, when I got the whole outfit together this morning, I was feeling really great. And, I know that it is only going to get better from here. It feels good to wake up and want to put myself together, adding the accessories as final touches! I promise, this feels better than anything I could ever eat!!!!!!!!

Grape flavored ice cream

Today is day 39 of this program, and I have not cheated once!!

But, the longer I am on this plan, the more I think about the things that I am used to eating when the weather is warm, you know, like ICE CREAM!!!

Last night the ice cream craving was super serious. I couldn't get it out of my head. But, I got busy doing stuff around the house, and decided that it was too late to go out for some. Instead, I settled on grapes.

Each grape I popped in my mouth tasted really sweet. They were crunchy, and they actually hit the spot. And, the best part, no guilt!

When I woke up this morning, I decided that I wanted to feel springy today. I picked a shirt in my closet that I bought last Fall to wear this Spring, but the last time I tried it on, I could only button the top button and leave the rest open. But, this morning, I made it to the 4th out of 5th button, and was like, "I am so glad I didn't eat that ice cream!"

I have gotten so many compliments today, even from the lieutenant when I walked into work today. "You look really nice by the way." I was like, how sweet. And, I am realizing that when the cravings hit, I just have to distract myself and remember moments like these that mean so much more than ice cream!

My Dream last night...

So I know I already posted something today, but I forgot all about this dream until just now. Last night, I dreamed that I was shot. I was at my granny's house, and there were these two guys who came up to me outside with guns, and said they needed a place to hide. They were fugitives. And, in my dream, I remembered that they had announced there were fugitives on the run on TV earlier that day. So, I let them in. (They had guns, what was I supposed to do?)

I introduced them to my family as if they were my friends, and went to talk to my mom who was upstairs getting dressed. When I went up there, I told her to call the police, and came back downstairs. Danny was in the kitchen, with another gun in his pocket, but he never came to my rescue. Actually, I remember holding him like a child, and telling him that everything was going to be okay.

Next thing I knew, we were in the living room, and my step-dad pulled out a gun and pointed it towards my direction. I realized that he wasn't pointing the gun at me, but at the fugitive sitting right beside me. I began to cry and asked, "what is going on around here?"

The guy beside me immediately drew his gun, put it to my neck, told me that he had to stop my emotions, and pulled the trigger. I remember hearing a pop. I remember grabbing my neck, and falling to the ground asking my mom to "call somebody to help me!"

Then, I woke up. It was 3 a.m. I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, and didn't know what to think of this crazy dream! I remembered it so vividly when I woke up today, but got busy with all my stuff at work. Then, I was telling a friend about it, and she suggested we Google it to see what it means.

Here's what Google says, "To dream that your neck is injured, indicates a separation between your heart and mind. To dream you are shot, represents a form of self-punishment that you may be unconsciously imposing on yourself. You may have done something that you are ashamed of or are not proud of. You want to wipe the past away and literally become a new person."

WOW is really all I have to say about that. I am truly speechless! Thank you Google for reminding me that I have made the right decisions for myself these past few weeks!

What do you think?

Nothing to report

Okay, so I am not totally being honest with the title of this post, but there is no official weight loss to report this week. I really wanted to weigh in this week, but as you know this program isn't cheap, and I had some other bills come up I had to take care of first.

But, I promise that next week I will have some numbers to report! I have done really well this week, and weekend considering what I am dealing with, and haven't had anymore pizza dreams!

Last night, I will admit it, when I was leaving the tanning bed, I thought about going to Coldstone and getting some comfort ice cream. But, decided to just get in the car and drive home and eat my strawberries instead!

And, when I woke up this morning, I put on jeans that I put in the dryer (huge accomplishment), and a sweater that used to be pretty tight in the arms and stomach. I looked at myself in the mirror, and was proud. I made my piece with not weighing in, and I'm gonna keep it moving towards next Tuesday with the same force as I had this week!

A different kind of loss...

This weekend I had an epiphany. And, it had a lot to do with my current relationship, and how I related that to my relationship with food. I think when you are losing weight, you need a support system. Whether it's your family who believes in you no matter how many programs you have tried and failed. Or, whether it's your partner who loves you and only wants whatever makes you happy. But, what happens if that person doesn't really want you to lose weight, because they are afraid you will gain too much self confidence and realize that you don't need that person to make you feel beautiful?

And, that is what I have been struggling with for some time now, and until this weekend, I wasn't really sure what to do about it. Don't get me wrong, this is not the only thing that bothered me in our relationship, but control has always been an issue for us. It's like when I am heavy, he had a certain way to make me feel good about myself, even if I wasn't feeling that way. And, since I am taking control of my weight, the scales are starting to shift.

For the first time in a long time, I am able to say, I feel good about myself, no matter what other people say or feel. It is always nice to get compliments, and encouragement from my support group. But, no matter what, I am doing this for me, and nobody else. I have started to see the cracks in our relationship for what they are, and am no longer blinded by fat.

So, after a few weeks of deep thought, I decided that I just need to take a break from him. I love him very much, and miss him already. But, I know that when I set my mind to anything, I give it 100%. And, that's all I have ever asked for in return. I figured that the only way to truly stay focused and give 100% to this diet, was to eliminate any shred of negative influence.

I hope that I made the right decision, and only time will tell. But, for right now, just as I am sticking to protein and veggies, I am going to stick to this decision. I have started to see a change in myself that I really like. And, I can't afford to let anything, not even my 3 year love/hate relationship, get in the way of my success.

This decision was really hard, but I feel empowered to take control over my life. I feel strong. I am not scared to be alone. In fact, it has been six years (combined total of my two past relationships) since I have been single.

Maybe it's time to find out just who Michelle is. Not Michelle and Darryl. Not Michelle and Danny. Just Michelle.

Sometimes you feel like a nut...

And, no I'm not talking about Almond Joy and Mounds here...

I just mean that sometimes in life you just have to let go and have a good time. And, I have found that the longer I am on this diet, the more able I am to go out and have a good time, and still eat healthy. I just try not to put myself around situations that involve pasta and pizza, b/c that is my weakness. (Dream count about pizza=3)

But, today I ate lunch with an old friend and got a chef salad, minus the tomatoes and croutons, and it was great. I got rasberry vinagrette dressing, and it was pretty tasty. My other weakness is ranch dressing, but so far, I've stuck to the italian's and vinagrette's, and they aren't really all that bad. I do sometimes miss my ranch, but I know that one day ranch and I will meet back up again for a moderate pouring! :-)

I was talking to another friend last night who said that she didn't want to let this consume her life, and be the only thing she focused on. And, I understand that point to some degree. But, you have to make a choice to be conscious of what you eat or it won't work. So in a way, it's like a research project that you have to stay focused on in order to get an A.

Just remember, that you are your own person, and you have to earn that A on your own terms. We are each different, but we are all striving towards that same goal to live a happy, and healthy life!

I gotta NEW Attitude!!

If you thought I was sassy before this, you haven't seen anything yet! I am feeling so great, so alive and healthy, so beautiful, and 100% more confident! All it takes is some willpower, and the results will come. You can do it!!

A New Reflection

In response to my friend Sylvia's blog...

Okay, so I love this post for many reasons. First, because when I read it, I immediately thought of the phone call I got last night while I was out eating with my parents.

S: "Hey, just wanted to tell you this really quick. I think I need to buys some new panties!"
M: "Why, did you have an accident?"
S: "No! I just keep having to pull them up when I exercise!!"

I got off the phone and told my parents, "That was Sylvia, she just called to let me know she ran on the treadmill today." What else was I supposed to say?? :-)

Now, on to the pride, the shrinking, and that hair-do hero stuff! I totally agree with what you said about looking in the mirror and being able to smile again. I think we both know what that feels like, and being complimented by others at work, or wherever, is even better. But, mostly it's about how we feel on the inside that counts. And, that is really hard to feel good when you don't feel like you look good on the outside.

And for that feeling great part, we have the best hairdresser in the world to thank (Shout out to Onyx Hair Studio) for always knowing exactly how to make us feel better in our own skin...or hair! There isn't a day that goes by that I am not thankful for having this amazing woman in my life. Not only is she a great friend of the family, but she is a caring person who takes the time to make you feel special. I am so glad I could bring her into your life, so you could feel those wonderful hair blessings too!!

Sometimes when you are feeling down, all you need is a little positive feedback (to keep you from complaining too much), time with your friends, and the courage to get a rockin' haircut!!

See you tonight at 6:45 for our transformation. Love you, SO proud of you, and I can't wait to see what "new" people we will see in the mirror by this summer.

One Month Update

Okay, so today I weighed in and lost another 3 lbs. This makes a total of 21 in a month. I am very excited for the next month, to see what I can accomplish. It hasn't been easy, but it hasn't been horrible either. I have had my moments where I see something on TV that looks good, but haven't had the desire to go off the plan. I'm sure there will be times it gets harder, but for now, I am right on track to what they say should be lost in a month. The average is between 12-17 lbs., so I have actually exceeded their goal.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I walked last night at the mall by myself. I put my ipod in, and just said, "whatever." It was too cold to walk outside, and my parents had already walked earlier in the day, but I refused to let it stop me from doing it. So, go ME!!

Everyone have a great day, and remember to make healthy choices now, so that you can "fudge" a little in the future, but still be healthy!!

"E is for exercise"

A month ago, if you told me that I would want to exercise everyday, I would have laughed and changed the subject. But, since I have been losing this weight, it's reminded me how much I used to really like to exercise. It's that 30 minutes that I take for me. It's my selfish time.

And, no matter how busy you are, everyone has 30 minutes a day that they can spend just on themselves.

Think about it...it's that re-run of Two and Half Men that you've seen like 20 times before, so just turn the tv off, put some shoes on, and put one foot in front of the other. Walking is great! It relieves stress, it's good for your heart, and it's not hard.

I usually don't like to go to the gym because it seems that everyone in there is super-fit and they stare at me because I got booty~ But, if you think about it, they weren't always that fit either. So, it just takes baby steps for anyone. WE ALL have insecurities, but knowing that I am doing something everyday that is getting me one step closer to that figure I want to see in the mirror, makes the idea of joining a gym not that scary.

Anybody know a good gym that likes booty-licious 29 year old brunettes?? :-)

Random Thoughts

I had some things on my mind today, so I thought I would share...

Today at work, someone said, "Hey Michelle, your stomach is getting smaller, like really small." I was like, "I know, isn't it great!" I have been walking a ton...

I sit at work and all I can think about is being outside in the sun walking my dog, or wondering what time my mom is going to call to walk at the mall if the weather isn't as nice.

I shaved my legs yesterday for the first time in, what seems like forever, and I am getting excited about wearing spring and summer clothes in my closet that I bought last year when I was smaller.

I have been tanning, and starting to get brown. And, it makes me feel smaller, and have a healthy glow. (And, no Sylvia, it doesn't leave little white marks if you don't shave...hahahahaha!!!!!!!!)

I am just all together a much happier person, and I am so thankful for the willpower that God gave me to start this up again! Without him, nothing is possible.

Week 3

I lost 3.5 lbs. this week, and was on vacation!!! I am so proud!! Total loss is 18 lbs so far!!! Get ready for next week, because the monthly picture is coming. Feeling very positive today, and ready to take on my busy work schedule!!

Everything social revolves around FOOD!

Last night, we celebrated my boyfriend's 40th B-day at Olive Garden. But, don't worry, I didn't cheat! I did my research ahead of time, looking online to find out what I could have. I ended up choosing the salmon with broccolli and red peppers. And, it was really tasty! Then, came the dessert. I had got him a cake at coldstone creamery with his favorite cake batter ice cream, topped with graham cracker pieces, and crunched reeses.

How did I handle this one you ask? I planned ahead. Told myself that I don't really like that kind of ice cream anyways, so it wouldn't be a big deal. I got the smaller cake, since there was only 8 people to share it, to prevent having the leftovers in my freezer. Well, that didn't quite work out, because not everyone ate it. But, it's okay. I just told myself I bought this cake as part of his gift, so in turn it's his.

I am telling you, the things I have overcome and defeated in just 2 1/2 weeks has made me such a stronger person. I am able to just look at food and say, "I own you...you don't control me anymore!", and it is a great feeling of accomplishment.

So, to all you people who think losing weight is just about never getting to eat anything you want ever again, you are wrong. It's all about willpower until you get to a place where you can reintroduce the foods you love in smaller portions.

So, just plan ahead, and show that food who's boss!!

Walking for a Cure

Okay, I did it!

I am officially registered for a 1 mile walk/run for the Susan G. Komen breast cancer foundation on April 10, 2010.

I am super excited to exercise for this cause! If you would like to make a donation, or feel like you want to walk or run, go to Komenroanoke.org and sign up!!!

The more the merrier!!

Week 2

I lost another 4.6 lbs this week! I am so proud of myself, and I am so determined, that no matter how much people doubt, hate, or try to tell me they "feel sorry for me", I hope they realize all it does is make me want to work that much harder. This battle is between me and the food, nothing personal to do with you or anything you chose to eat.

Big thanks to all my supporters, and my teammate (you know who you are!) for all the hard work!!!!! You're doing great!!!

Ode to My Jeans

As much as I hate to say goodbye, I am glad to see you go.
I had to put my foot down, and decide when to say no.

You have been so comforting, and at times a little tight.
But, as I outgrew you, I've come to see the light.

I am not going to keep you, as a sentiment of love.
Because I am now wearing a smaller size, never again to rise above.

I will never forget you, but your memory will soon begin to fade.
As I am looking and feeling better already in the new body I've made.

So, farewell my jeans, and on to the new journey you will begin.
I hope you soon find someone else to fit, and quickly become thier best friend!

I lost ten freakin' pounds in a week!!

This has just been amazing. I've eaten great, and this week I started walking again. I have enough energy to get up and go, and it's awesome! So excited to see what this next week has in store for me.

Just One Week...

Hey, all...just wanted to tell you all the great things I noticed in just one week of truly eating 100% healthy!

1. My face is smaller (no more semi-moon face Ashley!)
2. My pants fit looser, and my stomach is flatter.
3. I have more energy; today walking up that big hill to work from the parking lot, I was not winded at all for the first time in almost a year!!
4. I sleep better; dreaming alot which means deeper sleep.
5. I have not craved sweets at all, even bought my man ice cream the other day, and sat beside him as he ate it like it was nothing...huge accomplishment!!!
6. I have actually cooked and prepared my food, been grocery shopping, and am paying attention to portion sizes, and labels.
7. Fruits and vegetables taste so good to me, and I don't take that for granted.
8. I wake up with a smile on my face, and ready to face the day for whatever it may be.
9. I imagine myself as I am going to look this summer, and by Nov for my 30th B-day, and I am excited about the transformation, and what's to come in my future. And, that is huge to me, as for a while I just felt trapped.
10. And, lastly, I am so happy that my girl Sylvia started the program this weekend, and we are going to push and encourage each other until we each reach that finish line!!!

Weigh-in is today at 4:45, so I will have a brand new post first thing in the morning for you!! Get ready, it's going to be great!!

I made it to Ketosis!!

So, this morning I peed on the stick and it was pink...so I get to eat some fruit and veggies tonight with my chicken for dinner. I am going to make the biggest salad ever! I love that not only am I going to lose weight with this program, I am also ridding my body of all impurities, and putting only healthy things in.

Now, let me tell you about a tiny struggle I had last night. We had a formal dinner at my work, and the food came. First the salad, and I wanted it so bad. But, I just told them I didn't want one, and got up to use the restroom while everyone else finished theirs. When I came back, the food was being served, and out came my chicken, string beans, and potatoes. Of course, I could only eat the chicken, so I gave my potatoes to a friend, left the beans on the plate, and scraped the breading off the chicken until it was just meat. Yes, my plate looked like a small, very picky, child had eaten off it, but I was so proud of myself. Lastly, was dessert. It was apple pie, and coffee. Two things that I would have liked to have. However, I gave my pie to someone else, and turned the coffee cup upside down.

This was not easy for me, but I did it. And, just like me, anyone who has a serious amount of weight to lose, has to remember that it isn't about the moment. It's about the long-term goal. You have to ask yourself, is this worth ruining my efforts from the past couple of days? And, for me, the answer was a huge NO!

And, it was all worth it, because this morning when I found out I was in ketosis, I was all smiles. God is so good, and without him, I may have just tasted that apple pie!!

Day 2

So, I admit it, I had a dream about pizza last night! And, it was one of those dreams where you wake up and you aren't sure if it was real or not. I was so relieved to find out that I didn't really eat it.

But speaking of food I can eat, I made some yummy chicken tenders for dinner last night, that had been marinated in light italian dressing the night before, and some EVOO (okay, for those of you that don't watch Rachel Ray, that's extra virgin olive oil...hahaha!). They were delicious!! Only one problem, my house smelled like chicken all night long. Not good when you are trying to keep from being hungry. But, I got through it, and now on to another day full of protein!

Today for breakfast, I had the same thing as I did yesterday, but I made it prettier by cutting it up on the plate and adding pepper. I am learning. And, some old good habits I had forgotten I knew are coming back from WW. I got this!!

Motivational Pictures

Me and my mom before a day of shopping a few Spring's ago...


January 2009


I had lost 86 lbs in this picture :-)

Christmas 2008

This dress was actually too big when I put it on!

Ashley's wedding Nov 08

Go Hokies...in pink!

This was my under 200 party, first time since Jr. High...I will get back there, I know it!

This was at a great friends Wedding at Smith Mt. Lake...love that dress!

Love this shirt on me when I was smaller!

This was Spring 2008. I love those jeans, and can't wait to wear them again!

Day 1

So, my apt went really well. The staff was really nice. And, I had a good feeling afterwards. And, now for the weigh in...I have gained 51 lbs. in a year! Wow, I knew it was about 25-30, but had no idea I had gained that much. It's crazy how we just put weight on so fast, and it takes so long to get it off. But, I actually wasn't upset. I made my peace with it, and decided that I am looking forward, not backwards. I still have 36 that I have lost from the original starting weight, and I have to remain positive about that. I am not a failure, and it's really important to say to myself, it's okay, and I am doing something about it before I let it all come back~Go ME!

Today is Day 1, and for breakfast, I had a hard-boiled egg, a small turkey sausage patty, and 1/2 cup low-fat cottage cheese. I have drank enough water to make me float away, and have been to the bathroom a ridiculous amount of times. :-) And, for lunch, I just had some tuna.

The hardest part is remembering which vitamins, supplements, etc. to take at which time. I am like an old lady (no offense) with pill cases sitting on my desk. You know the one's that say S,M,T,W,Th,F,S...yup, that's me!

But, it's all worth it. The sooner I get to ketosis (all protein phase until your body starts burning it's own stored fat), I can introduce some fruits and veggies. I have never been so excited to see them!!

So for now, I am starting, I am extremely proud of myself, and am 100% dedicated to making this a success, no matter what!!